Sometimes I zone out and forget to fast forward through commercials. I'll deliberately record something instead of watching it live – then I forget what year it is, sit through the ads, and before you know it I'm watching a trailer for the latest Urban Haunting of the Undead Orphan movie smack dab in the middle of my sweet little America's Funniest Home Videos. ABC Family, people. F-A-M-I-L-Y. My kid's not old enough to notice, but I'm sure there are plenty of kids out there watching Full House reruns that could do without the sneak peek into Zombieland. Is nothing sacred?
If I Knew Then What I Know Now
Also on The List of Things I Never Knew I'd Give a Crap About is restaurants with worthless highchairs. We used to evaluate restaurants on things like, you know, food, available parking, whether or not we knew the bartender… Now? We judge you on your highchairs. And may I just say, not enough of you give a hoot about people* with babies. That's right, I'm talking to you, everyMexicanrestaurantwithin20milesofourhouse. Take a lesson from Chick-fil-A and get some highchairs that are worth a damn.
Am I officially a Mom, now that I "care"? Maybe it just makes me old and boring.
At the risk of going all Jerry Maguire on you, when did people start losing their grip on what matters and what doesn't? [Insert judgmental comment about Jon & Kate's new girlfriend(s) here.] Someone recently told me that everyone should make a list of 5 Things. These 5 Things are your priorities in life. Your focus. If you try to focus on more than 5 things, you spread yourself too thin and each priority suffers. Less than 5 things and you aren't well rounded. So, 5 things. Sounds easy, huh? Try it. I did. And I realized I have two lists. I'm betting most people do. The 5 Things you truly prioritize. And the 5 Things you WISH you prioritized. Kudos to you if your lists are one and the same.
I feel like parenthood is a big smack of perspective, right between the eyes. Lord knows my current 5 Things are muuuuch different than my 5 Things of five years ago. Even TWO years ago. And shouldn't they be? It changes you. You start caring about highchairs and scary commercials during family shows (ha!, you start WATCHING family shows). You simultaneously care more about money and less about money. You care about the environment. You learn not to care about the dirty looks you receive from other moms in public when you pick things up off the floor (for the 700th time) and give them back to your child to continue chewing on without first giving the germ infested objects the proper decontamination bath with an army of antibacterial whatever. Not that that's happened to me.
I'm not suggesting that your priorities – your 5 things – aren't what they should be. Pshaw. I am suggesting you identify your priorities. And be aware of them. Be true to them. Hell, be proud of them.