My kid won’t take a shower, and it finally broke me.

Colt takes a shower each morning. He’s been doing this for years, yet somehow – every single morning – it’s as if he’s doing it for the very first time. Somehow the routine — and let me tell you, it’s ROUTINE — of transitioning from breakfast to Mike&Mike with Daddy to the shower — in that order — every. single day. — has yet to truly take hold.

He gets in the shower, and seemingly forgets what he’s in there to do. There have been times when I stick my head in there to check on him and he ISN’T EVEN WET. So one of us usually ends up standing in the bathroom, prompting him along, because left to his own devices he would use every drop of hot water and STILL NOT HAVE BATHED.

Every. Single. Day.

The shower situation, along with socks ALL OVER THE HOUSE, will eventually drive me mad one day.

They will write on my tombstone: One too many socks on the floor…

But I digress.


This morning, I had it.

So after barking instruction at him through the completion of the shower — which the free-range parent in me hatehatehates but OMG JUST TAKE A SHOWER ALREADY — he came in our bathroom to comb his hair, and I had a moment of clarity.

“Buddy, I want you to write me a paragraph. Write me a paragraph about taking a shower. What you do, how it works. You can probably get it done before we leave for school.”

*insert dramatic eye-rolling*

“Get started.”

Shower Paragraph: Take 1
Shower Paragraph: Take 1

Not exactly what I had in mind. I told him that didn’t satisfy the assignment and really didn’t prove his shower knowledge.

Shower Paragraph: Take 2
Shower Paragraph: Take 2

That was about all the time we had for shower nonsense before school this morning, and we parted ways. But tonight, we completed the final step of the learning plan.

Shower Checklist

He drafted a ‘How To’ checklist, for posting on the bathroom wall with a thumbtack.

Shower Checklist

Shower Checklist

I’m no school teacher — just a mom with a stinky 7 year old and a deep-rooted appreciation for rote learning.

Everyone in the house is anxiously awaiting tomorrow’s morning routine. I’ll keep you posted.

2 thoughts on “My kid won’t take a shower, and it finally broke me.

  1. I’m DYING. And have also been through the in-the-shower-but-not-getting-wet thing. I am the one mom who can’t wait until he cares about girls because I think that’s when the shower part gets better. Everything else potentially gets worse, but at least he’ll shower. Unfortunately, I think it’s then followed by copious amounts of body spray or cologne, but we still control the grocery / shopping list. mwahahahahaha

  2. You sound like me 15 yrs ago, I couldn’t be an elementary teacher if I had to, my nose wouldn’t let me, haha. My son, Austin, has been wearing deodorant since second grade. It does get better ??

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *