Colt – circa six weeks old.

We’ve gone to a lot of trouble to keep from going to a lot of trouble about this kid’s bed situation.

During an early appointment with our pediatrician, “six weeks” was mentioned as a good time to move him from the bedside bassinet in our room into his own crib. So we did. And he stayed there.  Right across the hall, he became the 15th member of the Martin Family to lay his little head in that crib — after his Papaw and his nine siblings, and his Mama and her three siblings.

It was a good thing, and we saw very little reason to mess with it.

From six weeks until his fourth birthday. Mm hmm. Four years old. No toddler bed, no twin bed. We went straight from the crib to a full-sized bed last summer, when Papaw delivered a bunk bed-shaped labor of love and asked his tool-crazed, worker-bee grandson to help him assemble it.

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The Boy and his Papaw assemble the new bed. June 2012
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The finished product! June 2012

Bassinet to crib. Crib to bed. Still sleeps like a rock, and we have no regrets.

So here’s the thing.

My mom and I have been looking for bedding for over a year, but it’s never been urgent because Colt is perfectly content sleeping with only the fitted sheet and a large throw blanket. (And 87 “friends” ranging from a wrench-shaped pillow to a three-foot stuffed Shamu.) Bedding is expensive and, in my opinion, not entirely necessary — so we made do and kept looking for what I wanted.

Mom finally found what we’d been looking for – solid red bedspreads. (You might think those would be super simple to find. And you would be dead wrong.) She sent them home with us after they kept Colt for a week in July, and I just hadn’t put them on his bed yet. Until this weekend.

But I couldn’t very well put the new bedspreads on the bed without the flat sheet, now could I?

So I went to the linen closet to grab the flat sheet for his bottom bunk — and it wasn’t there. So I looked in a few other places it could be, and it still didn’t show up. And I started to have deja vu. I swear I don’t lose things. Not in the house, anyway. And I sure as heck don’t lose (bright!) red sheets that have no business being anywhere but the linen closet.

Nonetheless, despite my spending the entire weekend compulsively checking the linen closet and various other places in the house it could not reasonably be –it did not reveal itself.

I started to doubt whether it had ever existed at all.

Maybe I knew we wouldn’t use it and I only bought the fitted sheet. Yes! That makes sense! I’m not crazy and the flat sheet isn’t lost somewhere in this house — it was never here! Mystery solved!

If only.

If you look carefully at the above photos from bed assembly day, you can clearly see that the elusive flat sheet did indeed exist. It has even been ON THE BED!

Well obviously, I had no choice but to buy a new set of sheets. And for the same reason they don’t even SELL just a fitted sheet, they also don’t sell just a flat sheet. So, we now have two identical fitted sheets, and one flat sheet for them to fight over.

And I made the damn bed. With the new flat sheet we just haaaaad to have.

And let me tell you — it was one big hassle.

Acquiring the must-have flat sheet was merely the beginning of my problems. Why did no one tell me making a bunk bed is like solving a Rubik’s Cube?

I straightened, I tucked, I crawled, I bumped my head and various appendages, I tucked some more, I straightened again, and I STILL don’t think it’s on there right.

It is HIGHLY unlikely I’ll be making that bed again anytime soon. I’ve already started compiling the case I plan to make to Colt in defense of the original plan to sleep on only the fitted sheet and the nest of assorted throw blankets he’s acquired through the years.  And I’ve all but made peace with the fact that, since I just spent the money to purchase a new one, the original flat sheet will inevitably show up any minute now.

3 thoughts on “And now you have to lie in it

  1. OMG, I think you and I are living parallel lives! I totally get this. For one, I am desperately searching for a solid red or solid navy blue bedding set for my boy. No dice. And two, I just put sheets on my daughter’s loft bed for the first time over the weekend. It made me sweat, I hit my head on the ceiling fan and I vowed that we can start waiting longer between fresh sheets. It was so surprisingly difficult to change those sheets! –Rhonda

  2. Rhonda! My Mom found the ones we have at IKEA – though it’s one size for both a twin and a full so I’ve had to get OK with them hanging a bit differently on the beds. The red is nice and bold though — might be worth a try. And I hear ya on the bed-making. FOR. THE. BIRDS.

  3. So I have to know… did you ever find the book? Because if you didn’t, it could be wrapped inside of the sheet. Just sayin’.

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