I kinda hate the phrase 'Time heals all wounds'. It suggests that the mere passing of time will help you get past any amount of pain or grief, that marking days off a calendar will somehow help you feel better.
I just don't buy it.
What terrible advice to give a grieving friend. "Just hang out for a while. Relax. If you just wait long enough, you'll eventually forget about all this pain and you'll be fine."
No. The people you see healing over time are not healing because of the time. They're healing because of how they are spending that time.
Four years have now passed since October 14, 2007. He's been gone FOUR years.
Honestly, I can't remember the point at which I realized it wasn't going to just get easier with time. This day keeps coming, every year. And I suppose we could all sit back and wait for it to come around, and eventually four years would turn into ten years then twenty then fifty. And we would all keep hoping that "time" would do its job and the pain would be gone. But it just doesn't work that way.
Last night, we were in Cabot. Our hometown. It was incredible to swap hugs and stories with old friends and be surrounded by those people this week of all weeks. After all, this week has to happen. Every year. Why not spend it together and in action?
Everything that happens to you makes you who you are. October 14, 2007 is part of who I am. And every day since then, I've changed — and he hasn't.We grew up together and then suddenly I had to keep growing and he's not here. As life happens and our family evolves, I will miss his presence in all of it. At first I missed my big, goofy brother and was heartbroken because of what could have been. Today I miss him differently because I have a kiddo who I think is pretty cool, and I know he would think so, too. For every day that I change, there are new reasons that I wish he were here.
Last night it was serving pizza, other times it's something else. And it's different for each of us, but I think, after four years, we've all committed to making these days and weeks pass meaningfully instead of just watching time go by.